Sometimes we don't see the beauty a particular moment has through the tears and humiliation we are experiencing.
I am realizing that with age my hindsight is getting better...Can't really say that for my eyesight..but maybe there's a beauty in that too..
When I was 20 years old, I had a job as a bank teller. Now, I thought I had hit the jackpot! Woohoo! Look at me! I am on my way up baby! However, as time passed I slowly began to discover I had a slight form of dyslexia. Not the best place to discover this. Lists of numbers became a sea of confusion. My supervisor at the time was a wonderful and compassionate woman. Very forgiving and willing to help me at anytime. Unfortunately, she was replaced with a not so willing, forgiving and helpful woman. My " dream career" was fading from view as each day I dragged myself into work, sometimes in tears and left that day dreading the next.
One fateful ( or so it was at the time ) day, the annual Maple Syrup Festival, I was put in charge of deposits for all the vendors. I never understood why it was me..but I actually felt somewhat honoured. All I had to do was enter the numbers and the supervisor balanced the deposits.
Needless to say, I was out that day and the amount was never found.
The next day, I was invited into her office and told I wasn't meant for this job and fired on the spot.
Shame, humiliation, self-doubt, self-loathing filled my entire being.
I had to walk past all the tellers on my way "out the door".
After a few days of utter despair and depression, I called a farrier I knew to ask if I could apprentice with her. A farrier is a person who trims and shoes horses feet. I had mentioned to some friends at the time that I would like to do this and was promptly told I was too weak to do a job like that. Of course that didn't sit so well with me ( I think there may have been some slightly fowl language used at the time..but who really remembers that? )
Needless to say, it was the best thing I ever did! Now don't get me wrong..there were many moments during my 18 year career as a farrier, that I thought there was definitely a better way to make a living. During those 18 years, I did start and sell a business. Plus, a few other service based businesses as well.
A blow to my head ended my farrier career.
I grieved and grieved..One day while on a walk with my dogs down our country road, the realization came to me that if had never been fired, I may never have become a farrier. A profession that I am still very proud of. The shame, blame, self-loathing and self-doubt I had carried all those years slipped away as the tears of release streamed down my face.
I became thankful and grateful.
I have discovered some of my worst moments have led to the most beautiful moments I could ever have imagined.
I am living it now.
And again, I am thankful.
515588 11th Line
Women's Empowerment Workshops
Team Building/Employee Appreciation Days
Equine Assisted Therapy
Family bonding and reconnecting
School Leadership Field Days